I want to get better at asking for help. I’m better than I’ve ever been. I learn much from the youths I works with. I am inspired by the peeps in me life. I am the child of parents who had to do everything for themselves. this story feels true, though I don’t possess all the facts. since I was a babe, all I’ve seen is how my parents do it themselves. building shelves, cutting my hair, figuring out how to pay for lessons. all the different lessons. is my vision clouded? did others help my mom cook all the food eaten at the gatherings? did my dad ask someone to help build the deck in oklahoma? probably. it’s unlikely that they did everything on their own. but it feels like they did. rather, it feels like they had too much pride to ask. maybe others offered along the way and managed to convince them at points, but overall, it wasn’t their style. and we all learn from our environment. especially those early years. well, here I am, and I doubt I could still claim I am in my early years. I may be in the early stages of a new manifestation. that sentence is filled with flaw. I’ll keep developing it later. today, I have to make it a point to ask for help. pride is a deadly one for a reason. the question emerges regarding giving. but today is about asking. for help. simple, small, nothing too demanding. maybe a listener more often. maybe a little encouragement when I’m doubtful. maybe a hand when mines are full walking through the day. a start on a build.
I know that if I continue working with paradise that harmony will be achieved. “harmony,” is just a placemarker word for true meaning. true meaning is water. water is matter. matter is constantly changing because time does not have our level of patience. and that works both ways, smarties. some days I wish I had a baby to talk about. so then I could give all kinds of rad advice about how I care for my baby. or connect to folks w/ babies who are on computron devices all the time. eh, it passes almost as quickly as it appears. the cost of being oneself is no great cost compared to the price of living a lie when given only one life. apologies to reincarnationists. you know that shit ain’t literal no-how. and that consciousness does not transport through dimensions in a detailed fashion. if only I could get the aliens to stop reading my blog and convince all the beautiful women on earth to read it. I don’t even believe part of that sentence. it’s like I let the 13 year old beau out for half a line. we are all struggling to find who we are in comparison. I have been more guilty than most. I am currently exploring the depths of myself in harmony with others. the building of relationships in this universe is bringing me closer to my whole self. there is nothing better than a windy road that surprises you when you are certain for no reason.
every day, I spend hours coming up with things no one will ever see. oftentimes, this occurs when I’m doing the dishes, sitting on the patio (is it called patio? I wish I knew a cooler word to use at this moment. ‘patio,’ sounds too much like the places I’ve run from in the past), or stretching. I also stretch every day. I had no idea how weird this can be to people. you know I’m comfortable around you, if I did my stretch routine in your presence. you know I may have felt judged if you never witness it again. these are the clues I tell myself should be secret. fuck it. we are all stealing all the time. we might as well leave compassion on our doorsteps and pray others walk away with it. might as well leave love in our books and pray others want to capitalize on it. was I talking about stretching or intimacy? what is the value of creation never made public? in the event history determines all my poems suck, there have been many that sucked way more than others, which led to the less sucky ones’ birth. what is vampire baseball, you might ask. I reply, “no. my stretching routine is not really yoga.” and you may wonder where I got the routine. and I’d reply, “immortals are really just symbols for how we could evolve if we allowed all of experience throughout time inform our choices.” or something like that. did you go to the prom? before you answer the question, allow the context of its placement change your answer.